My Faith Disorder is kicking me in the ass right now!

I am currently suffering from what I call the Faith Disorder. What is faith anyway? The definition of faith tells me 9 different ways to interpret the word but only 3 stood out to me.

1. To have confidence or trust in a person or thing.

2. Belief that is not based on proof.

3. Belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion.

There is no proof that God exists besides what is written in the Bible. I have watched all kinds of shows on the history channel about Jesus and am always left to wonder about the people who actually wrote the bible. Are these people telling the truth or are they full of shit? Does heaven or hell exist or was it a scare tactic along with everything surrounding sin?

I know that the New Testament is supposed to (in some religions) replace the Old Testament but what about the modern day Testament? Who the hell is going to write a book to add to the Bible? Oh yea, that is too controversial. I guess people attempt to act like they are appointed by God.

Most of these people, I am sure scientifically probably suffer from a chemical imbalance in their brain and need medication. This brings up another topic, how many of the writings in the bible where written by people having manic episodes or drug induced out of body experiences. Maybe the Bible is like an old appliance that breaks and needs thrown out.

The Bible, I believe is still the most read book across the world and it creates so much havoc around the world. People get weird and Krazy over it and I don’t think that if there is a God he gets shits and giggles out of it. So why doesn’t God send another Jesus to this world in the time of worldly frustration? According to the bible, we should be of good faith says the Lord. Hmm, FAITH DISORDER, what gives?

I feel as though I want to believe in a God but due to my Faith Disorder, I can no longer tell what the fuck I should believe in. I am reaching for a star high up in the dark sky but am too short to grab it. Is God going to pick me up so I can grab that star? Time will tell I guess. For now, I will keep seeking for God to grab me by the face and say “Listen to what I am fucking saying to you, just jump and grab that star if you want it so bad!”


  1. Faith is a tough on for sure.

    The Bible is supposed to be the ‘word of God’ yet how do you overcome that it is written by man (who is fallible)? Also too what we currently read was determined by a group of men at the Council of Nicea (specifically the divinity of Jesus as well as acceptable gospel).

    So do you have faith in the accuracy of the ‘word of God?’ If you do then you are also proclaiming faith in the men that determined the modern course of Christianity.

    I am not sure of this helps, lol but I am trying to offer an alternate viewpoint.

    1. I completely understand your viewpoint and yes I can see how u would think this way, however, over the last 2 years I have learned how to read the Bible according to my personal journey and by doing this I am so close to God right now that I am going to be his special messenger. I kicked off my new business called I Got Your KRAZY, L.L.C. and I am going to travel the United States speaking out of my relationship with God n share my life story to demonstrate that God is REAL and I have complete faith and trust in him now. I am so grateful and thankful to finally be able to what I call “Break the Cycle!”.

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